nooodesires | (no subject)

I don't--

[Why the questions that make his chest hurt.]

I don't know! How do you gauge that kind of thing? I mean-- I can't.

[Raises his right arm, shakes it a little.]

I actually never thought I'd see the day I can't control what I look like.

Is there anything I can do?

[Looks at him, turns and really actually looks at him, and is quiet for a full minute and a half.]

...tell me who I am, because I'm at the point I don't know if I believe myself anymore.

You're Ankh. We started out as friends for a year and then we started dating after I asked you out. We had a lot of ups and downs but we made it through them together before we decided to move in together.

Friends for a year. On what grounds? How did someone like you end up asking someone like me out.

We met while traveling!

[ he thinks about it a bit before he also adds in ]

You also said yes to me proposing to you.

[ this is a lie, he never asked you that ]

Traveling. That shouldn't surprise me. Were you still homeless at-- what?

We're engaged.

Eng-- [Wheeze.] Engaged? Is that even legal?

Gay marriage has been legalized in a lot of states.

[Let him just reel from this. He's engaged. To Eiji. And human.]

[What?]

[He opens his mouth, makes a few confused bird sounds, and then stands up.]

I. Am gonna go drink that coffee you made.

Okay, I'll go feed the birds right now.

[Excuse him as he staggers directly into the door. And then possibly to the floor.]

. . .

[ time to pick the birb off the floor and help him to the chair where there is coffee waiting for him ]

[Mumbling in a daze about being engaged and some other collection of weird words that definitely don't sound like Japanese.]

[Oh look, coffee.]

Are you going to be alright? Or do I have to manhandle you into going to the doctor?

I am not going to a doctor. I'm handling this very well, thank you.

[Hiding behind his coffee.]

This is pretty decent.

I know. I made it the way you like it.

[Quirks his mouth at that.]

...six years, really?

It'll be seven years in a week or so.

[Embeds a hand in the roots of his curls.]

I'm not the sort to apologize, but the fact that I don't remember that time might be what makes me start.

Well, do you still like me?

[He wheezes a vague sort of chuckling sound.]

That's not an admission I woke up prepared to make. But to prevent you from spiraling into a pit of desireless despair, just this once I'll be honest enough to say that even in my own memory I think I always have.

Then I'm okay with it. You're still Ankh and you still like me. I can fill you in on the things you don't remember.

[He nods, huddling into his coffee and closing his eyes.]

It's a lot. And you'd better not internalize things like I remember you did. If my not remembering something bothers you, explain it to me. Don't just...

[Frowns.]

Do whatever it is you do instead.

[He was going somewhere, and then realized he was being sort of compassionate, got embarrassed, and backpedaled. Sorry, Eiji.]